To Make It Through Another Day

Dear John
I woke up early again today
Just to pray
Just to say
Its the only way
I know to love you
Because in truth
I hate what you have become
You who were once my lover, my friend, my confidant
You with whom I bound myself
Till death do us part
Are now a shadow of  a man
Lost
In a land of sin and perversion

Honeymoon long gone
I long for those days,
Newness, bliss, that first kiss
You belonged to me, and I to you
None compared…
Yet that was then,

Now

Dreams shattered
I awake to the truth
I am no longer your one and only
There are many
Caricatures of what is said to be womanly
So called artists, of pleasure and fantasy
Painting shadows on our life
While you hide in the shadows of your lies

I know what you do
Don't think I don't see
I followed the clues
They led me straight to your loot
   The "treasures" in the closet
X marked
   Tapes, mags, and hidden files
X marked
   Hours spent alone in secrecy
X marked
  Right where you broke my heart
Day after day
Night after night
This terrible trio haunts our home

So that when I lay me down to sleep, I lie alone
Though I am still right next to you
Lonely broken and cold
Lust has our love overshadowed

If you could only see
Your obsession
This pitiful possesssion
Which drives you to look upon these images
And betray my trust
Drives me to see you with disgust

Here in the cold I remember
How we once were
Enamored with our love, bound by Christ
Never would have thought twice

How did I not see?

Was I deceived?
Too blind with love to see
The foxes in our home
While I was out working for our bread

Was it me?
Too many hours in the office?
Not enough time in our bed?
One pound too heavy?
One inch too short?

WHAT WAS IT?

That drove you to choose ‘Candy’ over me?
Was it her beauty, radiant as the sun
                                         I thought I was the only one
What about ‘Ginger’?
Was it the delight she found in your presence
                                         Drunk with joy we use to dance
And those ‘play’ mates you love so?
                                        How far was it you said you’d go

For Me?

Or maybe its you
Maybe, you’re lazy, selfish, and a tool
Too weak to stop
Too stubborn to see

how

it

    
BR 
           E           
                      A
                            KS
me

But truth be told

I love you

So here I am drenched in my tears

Praying for you

Crying out to the God who called us

One

Him who gave birth to the Sun

That He would move on my behalf

Melt your heart of stone

And mend my heart of glass

It is said that perfect love casts out all fear

And my greatest fear is not that you will cease to love me

But that I would stop loving you enough

To hold on to the hope that you will return to me someday

And so today like every other day

I wake up early to pray

Just to remind myself

That I still love you

just enough

Enough to make it through another day