WOW! I do not even know where to begin, but I know I have it on my heart to share so here I go. I think I probably had one of the best Christmases I have had in recent memory. Yea, I seriously don't clearly remember the last time I spent Christmas filled with so much hope, joy, and love. It is so good.
(btw I am currently listening to Kim Walker sing How He Loves on loop.:P)
I am so overwhelmed by His love.
If there is any time where it is so evident it is this time of the year. Though at Easter we celebrate the death and Resurrection of Christ, which is an amazing example of God's love for humanity, Christmas is special. Christmas marks the birth of Christ, but it is also the culmination of generations and generations and generations of planning and waiting on God's part. He knew from the beginning what He had planned. He had concieved it in the depths of His heart, and He knew what it would cost. God is one who does not speak things only to forget it. He is always in rememberance of His promises.(Psalm 111:5) Could you imagine that very first prophecy? The first time God spoke of His son to His people -the sheer weight of that. He knew He'd have to live up to His word and actually live and die for humanity.
Death may sound harsh, and it was, but He chose to live. That is the hardest part in my eyes. Walking when you never had to walk, sweating when you've never broken a sweat before, having to have the experience of someone wipe your bum off for you, having your diaper changed... Seriously the God of the universe saw it fit to lower Himself and allow a mere human to give birth to Him, and wipe His bum, and nurse Him and feed Him baby food and all that stuff we take for granted. The One who created the universe had to depend on His own creation for His survival.
We so don't know the meaning of humility...
Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a child is born...
The weight of those words has been lost on me before. For unto us humans who were created by the greatest of heavenly beings, is born God Himself in the form of a child... All for us. All for love.
This brings me back to His love and why it is so amazing. This same God who could have turned His back on me and said,
"You selfish, prideful, hateful, arrogant child! Why should I pay you any mind, since you have never bothered with me?"
Instead, He said,
"My beautiful, wonderful, cherished daughter. Allow me to show you love like you have never experienced before. Draw near to Me, allow Me to heal your wounds, dwell in you, walk with you and pour out my deepest, purest, intentions upon you. Look! I am even willing to come down at your level so you know my sincerity, I am not just another person spitting game. You are not a notch in my belt, a mere prize for my shelf, or a duty for me. You are my beloved. So be loved, and recieve what I have for you, for I am the lover your soul desperately desires, and longs to know."
And one look into His blazing eyes, I know that its true. He is all that He has promised and more. I am seeing that more and more in my life. And slowly but surely learning to recieve and accept it. Because I am worth it. It is hard to believe it sometimes in the natural. But I am worthy of a love that strong and powerful, that real and transforming. Because He created me with that love in mind, that I might know it and commune with it every day of my existence in Him.
Today, I spent Christmas with my adoptive family. Our bond isn't the womb of my mother, but the blood of my Christ. Though sometimes, these kind of gatherings are nice but still remind you that you aren't actually family, today was different. I am not sure I have evr felt so loved, so desired, and so cherished by a group of people. From the yongest to the oldest... its sorta hard to explain, but it the starngest but mst awesome way, I know I was home.
This morning after breakfast and the first round of festivities, I gave Johanne (my momma from another grandma. lolz) her Christmas card. After reading it she gave me a hug and turned to me and said "Thank you for allowing me to love on you." Something about that hit home. She thanked me for allowing her to bless me, which she has immeasurably over the last few months.
Its kinda like she said, "thank you for allowing me to be God's provision for you." And when I think of every person who has ever loved me big or small, and it is all simply a reflection of God's immeasurable love for me. He loves me SO much, I think that may be a truth I will be discovering until I see Him face to face. So until that day when the full revelation comes, if that is even possible. I want to not only wish you a Merry Christmas, and very blessed new year, but if you have ever sown into my life, suffered my wrath good or bad, patiently sifted through my walls for a chance to see me, expressed your love for me in word or in deed, THANK YOU.
Thank you for seeing past the walls
The smoke and mirrors
Daring to walk down these halls
Haunted by fear, hurt and guilt
Guarded my mistrust and anger
Masking the Truth lying dormant in me
Thank you for displaying His love
Reminding my Spirit of its true nature
Seeing in me not the daughter of a theif and a cheat
But a daughter of Life, Hope, and Joy
And treating my as such
Thank you for persevering only as love does
And stepping in when push comes to shove
You are a shining example of what redemption is to be
And a reflection of my King
For this my heart sings
In its gratitude neverending
Merry Christmas and may love shine in all of your lives.
In love and in Christ,
Me
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