So I went through my drafts today...

This has been sitting in my drafts since August. I've thought twice about posting this one. Not that anything is wrong with what I wrote. Just that sometimes  most times honesty makes me highly uncomfortable. And there's always this silent fear you'll be judged for those things you never say out loud. Which is why you don't say it out loud. But I am a glutton for punishment and seem to feel the need to share my fears and anxieties with the world. lol You're welcome. Enough preamble, here you go. Today's as good as any other.

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You must hate me
Or maybe you just don't care
Either way it doesn't change the facts

You are so far from who you once were
Long gone is the woman who once shone
The one who fought to give me life

I often think about what's been left unsaid
Obsess may be more accurate
I've written you so many times before

You'd never know, with all I've left of the cutting room floor
Nothing is ever good enough
The words are never quite right

But these days I've become more aware
Perfection is a lie I hide behind
I know I need to speak before it's too late

I love you.
Although there are days I wish I didn't
Sometimes I wish I could care less
That I was cruel and uncaring

That I could be the type of person to turn my back and walk away
But that's not who you raised me to be
That's not who God has called me to be
Painful as it is

Die for you, I must
Just as you once laid down your life for me