Like I do You

The first half was written a little over a year ago, and the rest was started about a month ago, after some prayer, reflection, and fresh revelation. I performed the first part as a spoken word piece last summer. Super stretching, but there is some really good word play there that I enjoy. :)

I love you
Or is it just the idea of you
The concept of a man, who loves me for me

Reality or imaginary?

I’m not quite sure

But when I open the door to my heart,

I see pictures of you and me

Founded on love, or lust perceived as such I have to know

For if this is just a fragment of my psyche

Altered reality

Then where does that leave me?

So I choose to lose sight of you.

For love unrequited leaves me quite bemused and confused

Yet, the knowledge of this inward play won’t keep me away

I still long to spend my days in the reverie

For despite its lack of reality,

It comforts me to believe that, you. See. Me.

Just as I am, without gloss or glam

Or so it seems it would be if this love were true

And not just the residue of that hope I have inside

For that kind of love

Well, you know the kind,

That “fly me to the moon” kind

That “this will last forever” kind

That “I’d die for you” kind

The kind of love you’re certain must be sent from above

You’ve met the one and he’s an angel in disguise

And you catch yourself singing bout that

“Angel of mine,

How you changed my world you’ll never know”

Oh snap!

Gotta pull myself together,

Be real, be sensible

Does it all come together?

Are you really that guy?

Does he even exist at that?

Probably not

Yet I daily tie the knot in my heart

With that real slash imaginary man

Who can make me believe in love time and time again

There lies the trap

Though my heart may be right all along

The dream outweighs the realty singing its hopeful song

Seeing in your eyes what could very well be the love of a brother

While silently seeking out the gaze of a lover

These games I continually play

In my mind day after day

Unwilling to let it show for fear that you might know

And prove my dreams to be

Just that nothing more than dreams

Constructed reality

Carefully crafted fallacy

Painted over to keep my heart from the truth

That you don’t love me like I do you

And as the days go by and turn to months and years they fly
My love grows blossoms and transforms
Yearnings for less and for more
This daily battle silently raged inside
But today as new sun rose over a familiar horzion
I explore the depths of my heart, every nook and every cranny
Only to see things in a new Light
Signs of hope, of truth, and of peace
Signs me, who I am and what I have become
Signs of you, the etchings on the wall of my heart
Through my search and queries Ive found
Nothing more clearly than Him through you
Through the glass of reflective introspection
I've discovered that this infection, coursing through these veins, with what seemed to be purpose and direction, leading to my heart
Pumping to the beat of new love, was nothing more than a shadow of  the Truth

Shadow of Him through you
The grace I love is His
The gaze I love is His
The care, strength, and comfort I love is His
So as the scales fall from these eyes of glass
These eyes once blind, now see clearly
My love for you, is my love for my King

In the silence we walk
There comes the realisation that in you I see me in Him
That through Christ's eyes I'm made alive and my heart unfurls to recieve and to give love
So as we walk side by side in burdened silence
I see that what I feel is not lust or shivers, or the stirrings of the romantic kind
Rather it is compassion, Love of the truest kind
Driven by a Spirit that connects us both
It is not selfish or prone to boast
It puts others first before anything else
Placing my wants, needs and desires on the shelf
And it is in that heart that I pray you find refuge on His shore
Regardless of where that may be
Even as far away from me as the largest sea
Its not that I am over you.
That question is moot
Its that I have discovered the Neuvillette to your Bergerac
I'm simply in love with your Creator and the way He shines through you
Making me more like Him the more I know you.